We have now been in isolation/lock down for just over a month. In my previous post which you can read here: Coronavirus Diary – 1 things were relatively positive, and whilst they still are these past couple of weeks have definitely been more challenging. Whilst I don’t want to be overly negative, I have had some really tough days, and I think we are starting to see the effects on Emilia.
We are lucky that Danny is still able to work full time, and working at home but it does leave me with Emilia for most of the day. And I struggle sometimes. Most of my conversations are with a 2 year old who I am constantly trying to entertain and keep happy. It seems like every couple of minutes there is another request, I want this, I want that, I need this. I am so grateful that we are all together, safe and healthy but it doesn’t make it any easier day to day.
As mentioned before I think the lock down is starting to have an effect on Emilia.
We have started to notice some behaviour changes, which whilst they could be normal 2.5 year old issues I think the lock down if not causing them is highlighting them. She isn’t sleeping as well, waking in the night and earlier than usual. She doesn’t like to play on her own as much, and can be very clingy. She often gets upset if I just nip upstairs. And the tantrums are something else. She gets herself so upset over the slightest of things and it’s really hard to calm her down. I understand it’s because she can’t express her emotions or comprehend what is going on, it’s heartbreaking but very tough to deal with.
This past couple of weeks has seen me having to visit the hospital for antenatal appointments as well and I have found that difficult. Again I am grateful for the extra surveillance but being outside of our little bubble made me feel incredibly anxious. Seeing all the precautions being taken in the hospital, whilst reassuring really hit home the magnitude of the situation. You can almost forget about it when you’re just inside, only walking the streets by your house but if you do venture further out you see the harsh reality.
We’ve been really lucky with food shops, and have managed to have a delivery every week since the lock down. So hospital visits are the only time we go any further than the streets where we live. I am likely to have quite a few more appointments in the coming weeks as well and it does make me anxious. I am classed as high surveillance due to Emilia’s low birth weight so having extra scans and appointments.
This period of the lock down also saw Easter weekend come and go. And I found it particularly hard.
We as I’m sure many other people did had lots of plans with family which all had to be cancelled. We made an effort with Zoom calls, and quizzes but it’s just not the same. I do find the weekends harder in terms of missing family sometimes, it’s great because Danny is around more but missing out on family occasions is mentally tough. We also arranged a big Zoom call with all my best friends and that definitely gave me a boost, technology is incredible.
We are trying to fill our time doing odd jobs in the house and garden, and preparing for the baby. Those little things we’ve put off for ages are finally getting done which I suppose is one bonus to all of this. I am finding it hard to prepare for the baby as I just have no idea what the situation will be in 10 weeks time. But I am trying as best as I can.
I feel like this has been quite a negative post, which wasn’t my intention. Sometimes though it is hard to remain positive and upbeat.
I think there are bound to be periods where it all feels a little bit more overwhelming and seeing it affecting Emilia is making it feel all the more difficult. Hopefully the next few weeks will bring some positive news in terms of the number of new cases and deaths, and we might be able to see an end to some of the stricter measures. Who knows.
Stay safe everyone xx